When “Behavior” is Really a Cry for Help: Understanding Sensory Sensitivities and Anxiety in Children

As both an educator and a mom, I’ve spent years walking the tightrope of supporting children who struggle with sensory sensitivities and anxiety. I’ve sat in meetings discussing behavior plans, and I’ve sat on bedroom floors, gently coaxing a tearful child through a meltdown. I know the exhaustion of trying to hold it all together, the heartache of watching a child you love or teach struggle, and the overwhelming sense of not knowing what to do next.

Here’s what I want you to know: you are not alone.

So many of the children we work with or raise are not being "bad"—they're overwhelmed. Their nervous systems are on high alert, and what looks like defiance, distraction, or disruption is often their best attempt at coping.

Sensory Sensitivities & Anxiety: What’s Really Going On?

Sensory sensitivities and anxiety go hand-in-hand. For many kids, bright lights, loud noises, itchy clothes, or unexpected changes can be completely overwhelming. These everyday experiences can trigger a fight-or-flight response, and their behavior shifts not because they want to make things harder—but because their bodies are screaming for safety and regulation.

When we understand this, everything changes. Instead of reacting to the behavior, we can begin to respond to the need underneath it.

What Can We Do?

The more we know, the better we can do. And with small shifts, we can make a big impact. Below are a few supportive strategies that can help:

For Younger Children (Ages 2–8):

1. Create Predictable RoutinesYoung children feel safer when they know what to expect. Use visuals, songs, or picture schedules to help them understand transitions.

2. Use Calming ToolsTry calming jars, chew necklaces, soft sensory toys, or a cozy corner with pillows and books. These tools offer grounding when their nervous systems feel out of control.

3. Incorporate Mindful Movement & BreathingPractices like “Smell the flower, blow out the candle” breathing or gentle yoga poses help regulate the body and brain.

4. Use Simple, Empathetic LanguageSay things like, “I see that was hard for you,” or “You’re safe now.” Your calm helps anchor them.

5. Give Choices When PossibleThis helps them feel a sense of control. For example: “Would you like to walk or skip to the next activity?”

For Older Children (Ages 9+):

1. Teach Self-Awareness & Emotional LiteracyUse emotion charts, journals, or apps to help them name what they’re feeling. The more they understand their internal world, the more power they have to navigate it.

2. Offer Safe OutletsOlder kids often benefit from private spaces or designated “cool-down” areas where they can go when they feel overstimulated without judgment.

3. Normalize Anxiety & Sensory StrugglesLet them know it’s okay to feel the way they do. Share stories (even your own, when appropriate) to help them feel seen and understood.

4. Collaborate on Coping PlansInvolve them in creating strategies that work—whether that’s using noise-canceling headphones, requesting breaks, or keeping a grounding item with them.

5. Practice Regulation, Not Just DisciplineConsequences are part of life, but they should never replace the need for co-regulation. Help them calm first, then process what happened.

A Note From the Heart

It’s hard—so hard—to watch your child or student struggle. It can feel like walking on eggshells, trying to prevent the next meltdown, or like shouting into the wind when nothing you try seems to work.

But I want to remind you that there is hope. These children don’t need us to be perfect. They need us to be present. And when we lean into curiosity instead of control, connection instead of correction, we give them what they truly need: to feel safe, understood, and supported.

Together, we can rise. We can shift the way we respond to children’s needs—with compassion, with insight, and with tools that empower rather than shame.

Thank you for being in this work. You are making a difference—one mindful moment at a time.

With gratitude and hope,

Danielle